We give a plastic crow the arduous task of flying the mermaid over the extraction point, and then dropping her into the eggcup without the enemy hearing a pin drop. The mermaid will then climb teabox hill, and rescue the princess while humming the theme tune to Frozen.
“Let her go.”
But it will be a difficult task, as the enemy is unlike anything the extraction team has seen before. We’re talking about the beast who orchestrated the My Little Pony massacre; the bathtub dockyard explosions, and imprisoned the princess against her will.
I am, of course, talking about the evil plastic sheep from Mattel: Baron Von Baa Baa!
Moving swiftly on from one massacre created by a Baron to another, and Isaac Baron has beaten a field of 97-entrants to win the opening event at the Poker Masters.
Event #1: $10,000 No-Limit Hold’em took place at the PokerGO Studios at the Aria in Las Vegas, a cardroom Baron called the ’nicest’ he has ever visited.
The win is Baron’s fifth of his career, and his second of 2019 after winning his first bracelet at the World Series of Poker (WSOP), after topping a field of 1,832-entrants to claim the $407,739 first prize in a $1,500 No-Limit Hold’em 6-Handed event.
Due to a lack of live reporting, the nutshell action is more ant ball-sack in nature, but before you complain, consider the terrible circumstances the princess has been facing in the past 24-hours, and consider yourself grateful you only have these first world problems.
Baron came into the final table after 19 Day 1, levels, and the former online poker genius wasn’t exaggerating when he called his trajectory to the top of Event #1 ’straight’ and his ride ‘smooth.’
Two people stood out at the final table.
Scott Blumstein is a former WSOP Main Event Champion, and Sam Soverel is the reigning Poker Central Player of the Year, and the odds-on favourite to defend his crown in 2019.
Final Table Seat Draw
Seat 1: Chance Kornuth – 455,000
Seat 2: Tha Ha – 655,000
Seat 3: Jeremy Ausmus – 1,995,000
Seat 4: Isaac Baron – 3,055,000
Seat 5: Dan Shak – 480,000
Seat 6: Ralph Wong – 1,770,000
Seat 7: Scott Blumstein – 765,000
Seat 8: Sam Soverel – 630,000
The Ant Ball-Sack Action
Poker Central scribe, Remko Rinkema, called the eliminations of Thai Ha (8th), Dan Shak (7th), and Scott Blumstein (6th) ‘quick’.
Then it became the Isaac Baron Show.
The man known online as ‘westmenloAA’ eliminated Soverel in the fifth spot when pocket aces melted pocket eights. Next, he took out Jeremy Ausmus in a blind v blind battle when Q9 outkicked Q7.
Baron took a massive chip lead into heads-up with Chance Kornuth after eliminating Ralph Wong in the third-place when J6 beat K9, and the heads-up action lasted one hand when 53cc spiked a three to beat A9o.
The win puts Baron in the lead for the $100,000 first prize, the title of 2019 Poker Master and the Purple Jacket. One impediment could be his lack of Short-Deck experience. Apart from that, Baron is going for it.
“I highly doubt I’ll play the Short Deck because I’ve never played that game before, but to me, at this point, I’m committed to these events with the top prize and the jacket to play for,” said Baron. “I’m a big golf fan, and The Masters is my favourite sporting event of the year. While the money will always come first, I love the accolades and accomplishments and having something more to play for at the Poker Masters.”
Will the evil Baron von Isaac also conquer Event #2.
Not if the mermaid and plastic crow have anything to do with it.